Some of my favorite things that so happen to have been written by other people. Expand All



From Unknown Authors
"Don't do something permanently stupid when you're temporarily upset."

"Most people are more comfortable with old problems than with new solutions."

"Broken bones will mostly mend, but words will hurt until the end."

"Thousands of years ago, cats were worshipped as gods. Cats have never forgotten this."

"Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive: 'Look at this bitch eating those crackers like she owns the place.'"

"1/3 of me: I want a relationship so much, relationships are so cute
1/3 of me: sex sex sex I want sex fuck relationships let's be slutty

In a society that has abolished all adventure, the only adventure left is to abolish that society.

Grey's Law: Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.

"I am against swimming. It's gross and unhealthy and unnatural. If humans were meant to swim - whether in pools, oceans, or lakes - we would have fins.
Swimming goes against my personal, abstract beliefs. Therefore, I will stop at nothing until swimming is banned for everyone. I also believe the government should stay out of our lives, unless there is something I don't like, then I want the government to make it illegal. I'm better than you if you think otherwise."

"Right now, it is raining methane on Titan. The planet Uranus, apparently trying to live up to its name, is orbiting the sun sideways, while Venus spins backwards. There are stars exploding, black holes gorging, galaxies colliding.

And here we sit, on a planet pock-marked by collisions, rocked by earthquakes, shaken by storms. A planet doomed to be fried in radiation as its magnetic fields collapse, until finally the sun grows into a red giant and leaves nothing of the Earth but dust.

Here we sit, glasses on our noses, inhalers in our pockets, braces on our teeth, waiting to die as our heart muscle expires, our cells decide to grow forever, or a blood vessel just pops, and sometimes in unnatural ways, too.

Here we sit, and some of us say, behold, look at the ORDER of it all."

"There are hundreds of languages spoken on Earth, but only one that kicks ass."
-Dracozon on English

"Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it."
-George Bernard Shaw

"Do not assume that she who seeks to comfort you now, lives untroubled among the simple and quiet words that sometimes do you good. Her life may also have much sadness and difficulty, that remains far beyond yours. Were it otherwise, she would never have been able to find these words."
-Rainer Maria Rilke

"Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he's supposed to be doing at the moment."
-Robert Benchley

"What always strikes me is that goverments apparently think the internet is a bad thing for culture and talent, while I know no other place where culture and talent are in such abundance as on the internet."
-silexh @ ArsTechnica

"I have a Scorched Earth policy for all things, including debate."

"Pick up your sword! Don't be a gentleman, be a winner!"
-General Ironicus (Let's Play Metal Gear Solid 4)

"Advertising may be described as the science of arresting human intelligence long enough to get money from it."
-Stephen Leacock

Five Rules to Remember in Life:

  1. Forgive your enemy but remember the bastard's name.
  2. Money cannot buy happiness, but it's more comfortable to cry in a Mercedes than on a bicycle.
  3. Help someone when they are in trouble and they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
  4. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
  5. Alcohol does not solve any problems, but then again, neither does milk.

These should assist you with most daily decision choices.

-Julia Turner Creation
"After I'm dead I'd rather have people ask why I have no monument than why I have one."
-Cato the Elder

"If we cannot be perfectly happy 'til we've been a little sad, perhaps we can't be truely good, 'til we have been a little bad"
-Nan Witcomb

"Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting the bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian."
-Dennis Wholey

"It is more important to know where you are going than to get there quickly. Do not mistake activity for achievement. Remember that there is nothing stable in human affairs, therefore avoid undue elation in prosperity, or undue depression in adversity."

"Have you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac."
-George Carlin

"The opposite of a correct statement is a false statement. But the opposite of a profound truth may well be another profound truth."
-Niels Bohr

"The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else's highlight reel."
-Steve Furtick

"Let go of your attachment to being right, and suddenly your mind is more open. You're able to benefit from the unique viewpoints of others, without being crippled by your own judgment."
-Ralph Marston

<Folly#7214> people with skewed perspectives will repeatedly fail to 'take a hint' because they dont process why what they're doing is wrong

<Z (Rykari)#8841> People confuse their right to opinion with [this] idea others have to listen to them alot it seems

<roseknight#3079> im not sure what the fuck gen x was doing
like, seriously, they just... didnt know any of this shit
im not sure anybody told gen x what racism is
<delta#2620> libs
<wastebin#2442> what shit
<roseknight#3079> like all the leftist stuff
they just dont know anything
<wastebin#2442> ah
imagine a generation of people raised by boomers without the internet

<Greed#6618> you seen louis's new video on ditching social media?
<Thellere#1337> Yep, he's not wrong
<Greed#6618> tbh I'd also add on his little talk a bit
and say social media also cheapens human interaction
and forces a weird blend of detached and involved
which isn't good for mental health
<Thellere#1337> Yep
I'd argue that's why interactions are so.. intense? On some sites because folks realise that on some level and overcompensate the fuck out of it for the detachment part

From IRC users (and bots)
<khmer_at_work> i banged your keyboard like it was a typewriter

<Zaratustra> don't read text, people cyber in it!

<Bucket> good idea is to always keep some movies handy, in case of popcorn

<anaximander> anyone else ever noticed that capslock is an anagram of cockslap?

<Palomides> if I don't come back, I'm sacrificing squirrels to make a leaf golem


<Nadir> i have nightmares about the past perfect continuous tense

<gbelo-bot> I pointed my gun at him and his algorithms.

<gbelo-bot> Cja must travel through 30 action-packed levels to find genuine sourdough wheat bread.

<Fungahhh> remember how the world is being systematically bankrupted by the finanical elites

<Tattoo> in theory, there's no difference between theory and practice. In practice, however, there is

<Johnny> if i dont wake up wondering where i am , who's shirt is this and why am i covered in blood i feel like it was a waste

<Antipathy> my theory of food in my room: leave it here long enough, and it stops being "gross" and starts being "Science"

<evilpatrick> it would be cool to be a coroner and list "space aliens" as COD every now and then to see if people are paying attention

<theleica> Bucket, kill someone!
* Bucket picks up a death sentence and throws it at theleica.

<TheMiNd> I want to make violent, angry sex to you
<freelancer> I want to grammar your sentence

<paratus> SUCCESS! We have captured the enemy intelligence.
<Burstaholic> now the enemy will be stupid!

<christian> hey zing, what kind of music do you listen to?
<Zing> christian: All of it. At the same time.

<wraith> today I had a quiz and the guy next to me had to sniff every 5 seconds
<wraith> I have never had water torture but I assume it is the same basic concept

<Dakara> what's the name of that disease when you can't stop masturbating?
<amaury> the Y chromosome

<hamstar> Succeed beyond your wildest hopes
<hamstar> Breeze past the Veil of Dreams and discover that all life is shit

<Althir> Did you ever notice that "spam" and "scam" share all but one letter?
<Holzi> Althir: so does 'you' and 'out'
* Holzi points to the door

<Potassium> kaolbrec, you're killing the environment!
<kaolbrec> I know! I feel like a man!
<kaolbrec> I'm going to mount its head on my wall.

<sheepbat> [18:38:04] <tomatosalad> well, i'm about to start installing windows
<sheepbat> [18:38:40] <tomatosalad> WHAT THE FUCK
<sheepbat> 36 seconds

<Beelzebub> DAMMIT
* Bucket takes a quarter from Beelzebub and places it in the swear jar.
* Beelzebub steals the swear jar
<Bucket> Dammit!

<Kliment> relsqui: That reminds me, what do you get when a high-ranking military official gets assassinated despite his armed escort?
<@relsqui> Kliment: ... world war one?
<Kliment> relsqui: General protection fault!
<Kliment> relsqui: But I like your answer

<@relsqui> humans really are weird shit though. electrical signals shooting through meat make other bits of meat twitch, causing sound waves to ripple through the air, which cause membranes to vibrate, which *reproduce the same electrical signal in more meat*
<@relsqui> what the *fuck* seriously

<Simba> The room under my bed goes to an alternate dimension. The logs left behind by other explorers indicate it has been searched through for at least seven hundred and thirty years, though I've never encountered any of them. It seems only one person can visit at once. Anyway, I still find new passages and rooms on a weekly basis.
<tankosaur> That's what happens when you follow the IKEA instructions properly.

<N256> Ravaged by socialism and gay marriage, Canada embarrasses itself at the Olympics it is hosting. "Oh no Canada," shouts the headline for The Vancouver Sun.[2] Can't liberals just pass a law to fix this???
<N256> the embarrassing thing is that canada lost a hockey
<crank> i, canada lost hockey because of socialism?
<o_o> crank, a free athlete market would produce the best possible athletes for the lowest possible price

<Shrdlu> Oh MAN!
<Shrdlu> So you know how French for "good luck" is "bonne chance"?
<Shrdlu> Now I'm going to start saying "bonne chalance!"
<Shrdlu> "Enjoy giving a shit!"
<Shrdlu> "For I do not."

<Telnaior> Why are IRC bots always so rude
<@snark> because they're programmed by IRC users
<Peng> That also explains why Bucket is being so dumb this morning.
<Corynne> Never a truer word spoken
<Bucket> Humans are awesome

<Nougatti> Guys, I've found an art-critic-comment that will work on pretty much all art, and leave your peers astounded by your knowledge.
<Nougatti> "You can tell the author of this work has really done a great job in utilizing genre-rules to critisise the genre itself"
<Nougatti> 76% of the time, it works EVERY time.
<@snark> they'll be astounded by your spelling
<RK> Nougatti is just using nonstandard spelling rules to criticize English

<darkmage2000> wanna watch JUSTICE LEAGUE CRISIS ON TWO EARTHS ?
<lemmer> absolutely not
<lemmer> man, just two earths?
<lemmer> they don't make crises like they used to
<lemmer> but really, where do you go after every earth that ever was and possibly could be was involved in a crisis.
<o_o> mars

<Bubonicfred> Yay, IRC is my connection to the outside world
<Bubonicfred> mainly cause firefox won't start
<auxchar> Bubonicfred: Are you imprisoned?
<Bubonicfred> no
<Bubonicfred> But why would I want to go outside?
<Bubonicfred> There's sunlight out there.
<auxchar> Oh yeah.

<Argure> yes, but why is sleep *necessary*?
<Argure> I can't find a reason why it'd be necessary or desirable to have to 'shut down' for 20 minutes (assuming polyphasic sleep)
<taixzo> Argure: probably the same reason as water
<Argure> taixzo: well I can see the logical reason of needing water; as a transportation system.
<taixzo> Argure: it's a cleaning system
<Argure> what, sleep?
<taixzo> Argure: both
<taixzo> water is physical cleaning, sleep is mainly mental
<Argure> yes, but why do we require 'mental' cleaning?
<LogicalDash> cos you have a dirty mind
<Argure> I.. can't argue with that LogicalDash

"Man, in his arrogance, thinks himself a great work, worthy of the interposition of a diety."
-Carl Sagan

"You do not need the bible to justify love, but no better tool has been invented to justify hate."
-Richard Weatherwax

"Hell is a myth created by people in surrounding regions and it is a threat, there is no love in Christianity, sin is a man-made construct and the bible is full of contradictions, barbaric practices and is entirely plagarised from every other religion that had contact with the Isrealites. Get your facts straight before you sprout garbage."

"We seem to crave privelege. Merited not by our works, but by our birth; by the mere fact, that, say, we're humans, and born on Earth. We might call it the anthropocentric - the human-centered conceit. This conceit is brought close to culmination in the notion that we are created in god's image. The creator and ruler of the entire universe.. looks just like me. My, what a coincidence! How convenient and satisfying!"
-Carl Sagan

The Christians would like us to believe that they're acting out of concern for "religious freedom" or fighting back against a secular attack. Let's be utterly clear: if there is in fact a war on Christianity, then the Christians fired the first shot. By standing directly in front of the march of human progress, opposing justice and equality at every turn, denying science, and attempting to codify hate and oppression with laws that insult the success of democracy, they have brought this conflict upon themselves. But there is hope. If people of conscience armed with the invincible weapons of reason and compassion fight back against them, the Christians will lose this war. Don't hold back your criticism or fail to act out of "respect" for ideas that deserve ridicule - not reverence. The Christians have asked for this war, and too much is at stake for us to be idle.
-Jason Bachand

"Believing something is not an accomplishment. I grew up thinking that beliefs are something to be proud of, but they’re really nothing but opinions one refuses to reconsider. Beliefs are easy. The stronger your beliefs are, the less open you are to growth and wisdom, because “strength of belief” is only the intensity with which you resist questioning yourself. As soon as you are proud of a belief, as soon as you think it adds something to who you are, then you’ve made it a part of your ego. Listen to any “die-hard” conservative or liberal talk about their deepest beliefs and you are listening to somebody who will never hear what you say on any matter that matters to them — unless you believe the same. It is gratifying to speak forcefully, it is gratifying to be agreed with, and this high is what the die-hards are chasing. Wherever there is a belief, there is a closed door. Take on the beliefs that stand up to your most honest, humble scrutiny, and never be afraid to lose them."
-See The Perfection

"Yeah, we have souls, but they're made of neurons. And the little neurons, individually, are just blind little bio-robots. They don't know, they don't care, they're just doing their jobs. The amazing thing is that if you put enough of them together, in the right sort of teams, you have - basically - a soul. You have the control system and the memory of a being that can be held responsible; that can hold himself or herself responsible; that can look into the future."
-Dan Dennett

"Nothing can be more absurd than the idea that we can do something to please or displease an infinite Being. If our thoughts and actions can lessen or increase the happiness of God, then to that extent God is the slave and victim of man."
-Robert Ingersoll (1890)

"Whatever is inconsistent with the facts, no matter how fond of it we are, must be discarded or revised. Science is not perfect - it's often misused. It's only a tool, but it's the best tool we have; self-correcting, ever-changing, applicable to everything. With this tool, we vanquish the impossible."
-Carl Sagan

"...I think Republicans are talking about abortion because they don't have anything constructive to say about any of our real problems. They're like a band who's been around for too long; they go on tour, they just play the Greatest Hits."
-Zac Little

<roseknight#3079> so heres the real question: are these people willing to believe anything that happens to be a conspiracy theory and are thrilled by knowing 'The Truth' that the masses don't, or are they just looking for anything to justify their already-horrible views? because the latter is hard to fix, but the former could easily be... yknow, used to sway some of these dipshits in the right direction. with my-- i mean, anyone's, OWN cult.
<roseknight#3079> the right direction being, of course, my political views, and also, giving me money


Cuil Theory
(2011-10-06) Multiple Authors
A way to determine the state of reality, based on the often-incoherent rambling stitched together by an experimental search engine.
"I feel that. Excellence has become the new average."

"HOAs are not inherently bad but the people who run them typically are inherently stupid. It's a lot like Congress -- those who are elected are simply the most capable of getting elected and not likely the most capable of governing or legislating.
That being said, I plan to steer away from any home located in a HOA. I fight crazy enough in my job every day, don't care to fight it in the evenings, too."

"Stupidity is malice when you're crafting the law."

"I have always wondered about this... People hate being wrong, but people will also fight tooth and nail to *stay* wrong."

"stopping 4chan is even scarier than 4chan and that's saying something."
/u/duckandcover on SOPA

"People often neglect the legacy-destroying aspect of DRM. I can hook up my childhood Atari 2600 or NES and play Breakout or Super Mario Brothers to my heart's content.
However, once the Microsoft authentication servers eventually go down, and they will, there's no more Xbox One gaming, ever. That's a single-point kill switch on an entire generation of games."

I know you may be joking, but this question, and the statement "you have too much time on your hands" really irks me. When someone is showcasing a talent, or spending time honing their craft, it's a perfectly reasonable thing to do.

It seems to me like they're saying "I don't do this thing you're doing, so it seems like a waste of time." If someone followed me around for a few weeks and saw the things I did it might call in to question my sanity, or theirs, but once every few months they'd see the method to the madness.

People spend countless hours following a passion, I just think it's a punch in the nuts when someone dismisses that.

"It annoys me when people have immovable positions and absolute beliefs. Everybody should be open to new information and the possibility that they could be wrong."

"Religion - So full of love that you're scared to tell people you don't have one because then they'll hate you."

Science and the unknown in six words: "We don't know, let's find out."
Religion and the unknown in six words: "God did it, now shut up."

"I've always said that I'd respect anyone's ability to believe, regardless of what. I never said I'd respect their actual beliefs."

"For most of us, it's not what you believe that concerns us. It's how what you believe creates harm in society. There are numerous examples of people taking actions that directly impact the lives and choices of others, and their only justification for it is their religious beliefs. Even if you and others like you aren't actively working to perpetuate that harm, you are at least complicit in it by your silence. When Christians stand up against those who are creating harm in the name of their religion, then we will believe that your beliefs aren't hurting anyone. Until then, we are going to assume that you have chosen to believe in a religion that is making the world a harsher, crueler, and less egalitarian place."

"The US is becoming and will continue to become a very scary place for Christians. Come quickly Lord Jesus."

Oh no, you Christians really have it rough. It's becoming harder and harder for you to force your ignorant notions on other people. What a shame...

Oh wait, 78% of America identify themselves as Christian? Every single president in US history has identified themselves ans Christian? Our pledge of allegiance includes a Christian reference? Churches recieve tax-exempt status? You need to take a look around and see who actually has it hard. I don't. You don't. Homosexuals that are commonly abused, many to the point of suicide, and are then also unable to marry the person they love because you think an invisible guy in the sky would frown upon it have it hard. You claim to be persecuted while being the most dominant political force in history. It sickens me that your ignorant beliefs keep others from experiencing a happy life while you claim the opposite.

If love scares you because it is between two people of the same sex, then you must not be a very loving person. The truth is that the US is slowly becoming scarier for bigoted people like you, but not nearly fast enough."

Net Neutrality

I am unsure how other countries do this, but in the US you pay an Internet Service Provider, ISP, to provide access to the internet. In most areas a single provider has traditionally had a monopoly. Although this is not as true as it used to be, your options are quite limited, the costs are high, and the service poor compared to the rest of the world, even many third world countries.

But this ISP is paid by YOU to provide the Internet to YOU. But now the ISP wants to be able to sell access to you to internet content providers by giving you good access to sites that pay them and crappy access to those that don't.

The concern about this is that internet will become dominated by sites that buy their dominance rather than earn it. Much of the US business is already dominated by large business that dominate the economy by buying political access. This will spread that to the internet. The largest ISPs have been giving large amounts of money to politicians to get this approved. The head of the regulatory agency involved, the FCC or Federal Communications Commission, is now headed by a former lobbyist for the country's largest ISP, Comcast. Besides wanting permission to sell access to you, Comcast wants to merge with the second largest ISP in the US. Both companies have terrible service reputations, but maintain market dominance through political connections.

This policy is universally unpopular with citizens but their input is not really significant because political influence is primarily a matter of money in the US. The main opposition comes from other large companies that would be hurt by a stagnant internet. You would think that major content providers like google would favor this new system since it would allow them to buy a dominant position. But many of them oppose it because, like google, they make money by selling access to you to advertisers and are interested in maintaining a vibrant internet that will attract users to make their ads valuable. Companies such as google have the financial resources to compete with Comcast in the purchase of legislation and are our main hope in preventing this change. But things don't look good.


"What the hell? I'm paying my ISP to deliver bits to me. I'm paying Netflix to deliver bits to me. Why the hell should Netflix also have to pay my ISP to deliver bits to me when I'm already paying both parties to deliver bits to me?
[edit]If I paid for an Uber car to take me to a restaurant, and paid the restaurant for dinner, and then Uber tried to bill the restaurant for the privilege of getting my busines, nobody would question how insane the situation was. Yet it would be exactly the same situation as the ISPs are trying to impose on companies like Netflix. But once again, because it involves computers apparently lots of people's brains turn off the moment they try to think about this."
-Eurynom0s @ Ars Technica

"What is the most shitty thing about becoming an adult?" (2014-02-27)
/u/calliope720's answer:
It's hard to explain, but for me it's that the sense of being part of some story where you are the protagonist kind of fizzles out unceremoniously and leaves you drifting for the rest of forever.

As a kid, you're on a path, there's a plan laid out for you, and whether you intentionally break from the plan or follow it to the letter, there's this linear progression of growth, and an ultimate goal to strive for. You have allies, you have enemies, you have trials that you pass or fail, you have moments of catharsis, etc. You feel like part of a beautiful narrative, like the heroes in movies and books and tv shows and stories. You feel like there's a right and a wrong way to go, and some ultimate fate waiting for you at the end that will sum up what all of it meant.

When you get to be an adult, that illusion crumbles away as you realize that you don't have a narrative, there is no path or plan, things aren't always linear, and you're nobody's hero. There are no allies, because friends can be both good and bad for you simultaneously. There are no enemies, because frankly no one cares enough to wage a personal war for long. You don't have a destiny. You make choices that are more a product of random chance than you want to admit, and sometimes the consequences make sense, sometimes they don't. You may flounder around in a bunch of different directions for many years, ultimately not making any progress, and having nothing of import to show for it. You're not a good person or an evil person - you're just an ant wandering around looking for crumbs. No, WORSE than an ant, because an ant has a purpose in life, to serve its queen and colony. You can choose to align yourself with a purpose, but it may never fulfill you or reward you. And nobody will be waiting with a shiny gold medal for you if you stick to it.

Life as an adult seems less and less like an exciting adventure story and more and more like a delerious, confusing fog of random developments and passing phases that raise more questions than they answer.

Edit: I somehow put my first edit in the middle of the text, which made it weird. But it said thank you very much for the gold and comments. I appreciate all the insights and solidarity, and the disagreement too.

I haven't always felt this way about adulthood, and I probably won't always feel exactly this way. It's not as if everything's hopeless, or that I'll never try to find a direction for my life. It's just that the realization of how small your impact actually is, and that you are not destined for anything great, and how subject you are to forces bigger than yourself - that's a tough pill to swallow.

Edit, Again: Reddit is full of some very kind, thoughtful, insightful humans. Many of us are going through the same thing, many people have words of encouragement to offer. I'm glad to be part of it with you guys.

/u/fashionandfuction's answer:
Nobody remembers how to have fun without getting drunk/high.

exploring the woods, playing in the snow, going on hikes, wandering through your city, trying to get on rooftops, chillin at restaurants, jumping in the lake, floating down the river on an innertube, trying to build a fort-- nope! all gone. never going to do it again.

i miss exploring. i miss taking walks. i miss swinging on swing sets. i miss having FUN. everyone just wants to drink. this starts at 14 and it never returned. legos? they must be constructed EXACTLY like the star wars box says. then it sits on a shelf. no more wild creation for crazy worlds. coloring? NOPE everybody chuckles "oh i can't draw" then pours another glass of wine.

hell, even fairs or midnight showings are a bust. people just play on their phones :((( (or head to the beer garden)

i remember when everybody in the neighborhood would jsut be outside for hours. sometimes we'd draw with chalk, maybe a hopscotch snail thing, maybe a kickball diamond. sometimes we'd form clubs and fight over who'd be the leader. sometimes we'd pull out our military-type walkie talkies that had over a 3 mile range, and try to pick up a stranger. (it could interfere with phone calls, which was awesome. met some other kids this way)

other times we'd wander around the neighborhood, befriending the cats along the way. sometimes we'd ding dong ditch and pretend the people were chasing us.

hide and seek. tag. red rover....all that's gone. once you hit 14 people start to realize gender and then nobody has any fun anymore. trying to get laid, trying to get high, trying to get wasted..... nothing else. that's all.

i hate being a grown up

/u/_vargas_ wonders if any of this is real
Sometimes I think that I died at some point and just did not realize it.

I would say that at least every other day, usually while driving, I get this feeling. Maybe that car didn't stop at the intersection but actually t-boned me. Maybe I briefly went over the center line and actually didn't get back in time before the oncoming truck hit me. I also live near an airport. Maybe a plane crashed after takeoff, fell on my house, and killed me in my sleep.

Whatever it was, my soul just didn't accept it. Like a movie theater projectionist switching reels, I continued on a path without realizing what happened. I try to notice these close calls when possible. I find myself looking in the rearview to make sure I don't see my car smashed to pieces at that last intersection.

I'm stuck here, but I can't prove it. There are people, though. They are all around. I think they are other souls that act to comfort or normalize my new life in this limbo. They exist in a radius around me, maybe 100 feet. When I look at people and cars going by in the distance, that's the living world. I'm in my own bubble.

Sure, there's new people I interact with besides the usual coworkers and friends, but I don't see these strangers interact with anyone outside my bubble. How do I know they aren't the same few spirits altering their appearance so as to appear different to me? Maybe they're trying to keep me in this limbo. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I only seem to meet about 7 or 8 truly different kinds of personalities. I swear I meet the same exact people, over and over. Everyone reminds me of someone I used to know.

As I'm typing this, I'm starting to freak out a bit as I notice more shit that supports my theory. I still have the same job. I still have the same car. I have the same asshole haircut. I have a piece of hair that grows out of a nipple but never gets any longer. My appearance hasn't changed in about four years. I should look more "weathered." I shouldn't still have gaps in facial/chest hair. I like to eat and barely work out, yet I stay at the same weight and always feel the same. I have a difficulty noticing the passing of time. Sometimes its fast, like minutes are stolen. Sometimes its slow, like I'm near a black hole.

It seems like everything stopped four years ago. I had a bit of a drinking problem that went hand-in-hand with a tumultuous relationship that was dying a slow death. I screamed at her once, saying i'd kill myself if she left me. We had been drinking all day. I stormed out in the middle of the night and drove two hours to my parents house. I moved out soon after that incident. Maybe I never made it. Maybe I died on the way there.

The dog! I took the dog with me when I stormed out that night! I still have the dog. He hasn't changed either. He was two when I moved out, so he's six now. But he doesn't look different. He's still hyper, like a two-year old dog would be.

I live by myself, now. Well, me and the dog. My neighbors barely talk to me. I walk the dog and people hardly acknowledge me. I thought it was because most of them are old and weary of strangers. Nobody even looks at us when they drive by.

Holy crap, I really think I may be dead. I killed myself and my dog after a drunken argument with my ex. I tried to drive 80 miles on winding, hilly roads in the middle of the night and I wrapped my car around a tree. So,its just me and the dog now. Until I can come to terms with my situation, like in The Others, I'm stuck in some kind of limbo. Awesome.

/u/Dark_Prism replied:

I've thought about this from time to time. What if we never really die but just keep experiencing a slightly different timeline? What if every close call you've ever had was not a close call at all but a death, and because a conscious mind cannot accept non-existence it shifts itself in to another timeline?

I like to experience new things and see what's next, and so the thought of living forever (or at least a very long time) is appealing to me. But what if I do live forever? What if I am perpetually shifted out of timelines where I die? What if by the time I get to old age I've been shifted to a timeline where indefinite human life has become possible?

I want that to be what is really going on. The thought of my death rattles me. I'm not scared of being dead, I'm scared of missing out.

Maddox's take on the "glory days of the internet"
Though it's not near its peaks, my traffic is still pretty steady. Here's a secret about the Internet and its "glory days:" nobody really cares how often you update. People care about quality, not quantity of articles. Nobody cares that you posted 100 shitty posts on your blog. Nobody will remember the hundreds of shitty posts, but they will remember the 1 good one that made them laugh or think. All it takes is one article to spark someone's imagination, and to get them to say "hey, this shit's pretty good. You know what? I think I'll send this to my buddy..."

The reason there are thousands of tumblr sites and countless photo blogs that don't get noticed is because most content creators don't self-edit. If it sucks, don't post it. Keep your brain farts to yourself. People who post every little quip or notion that pops into their head are assholes, because they're tacitly saying "fuck you" to the reader. They're saying "your time isn't as valuable as mine, so rather than me spending my time to edit down my content, I'll let you read it all and sift for good content for me." It's lazy. I edit myself into oblivion. Probably too much. I wrote or started to write 13 articles last year, and only posted 1.

As for the "glory days" of the Internet, you're living in them. Things are actually pretty good right now. After all, I'm still around. And yeah, I know I sound like a self-aggrandizing cock, but having a site titled "The Best Page in the Universe" doesn't lend itself to humility, and what more, it's the solid gold truth. It's telling that a guy like me--a self-made man who started out tinkering around with HTML and programming in his parents' basement--can make a living of his hobby, and challenge the status quo of media empires without selling out. My website was a shoestring operation for many years, completely funded by me, and when it blew up, I started getting more traffic than some of the biggest commercial sites out there. It's still completely self-funded, by the way. The Internet has finally given a voice to people who aren't rich or well-connected.


Holder of the First Seed
(2008-12-14) Author Unknown
What to expect if you should happen to find Dargaia's nectar.
Making Stories That Are Stories and Don't Suck
(2010-10-11) Cory O'Brien
How put words and have them not bad.
Base Ten
(2011-05-29) Author Unknown
Short sci-fi story about a robot pondering the true nature of the universe.
(2012-07-06) Kiwis By Beat
What are you really here to do?
Sburb Glitch FAQ
(2013-04-13) GodsGiftToGrinds
All the quirks dataminers have been able to find buried within the universe.
Dog Chasm
(2013-07-01) Author Unknown
A collection of a few neat short stories.
Scrapbook of a Former Night Guard
(2015-01-25) Kyrie Sky
A supremely compelling (and emotionally devastating) backstory for the original FNAF.
Empty Graves
(2016-04-03) Unpretty
Time travelers who plan to kill Superman never account for Martha Kent in their plans.
Best of HFY (Humanity Fuck Yeah science-fiction)

What if humans are special on a galactic scale? Here's a few ideas.

[PDF] The Road Not Taken
(1985-??-??) Harry Turtledove
What would happen if humanity was, in cosmic terms, on a path less traveled?
(2019-08-13) /u/h2j1977
The invasion of Earth lasted only four hours and seventeen minutes.
Notes on the Deathworld Earth
Archives from xenoculturian Dron Acharya's first visit to our planet.
Why Humans Avoid War Book 1
What happens when the Galactic Council mistakes pacifism for cowardice.
Up in space waits and watches The Void. Be good to those around you, and it stays peaceful. But provoke him, and it howls.
What 'human' means to me
At the bottom of this mine
Sometimes the right men charge into the wrong places to make a difference.
Humans are stubborn
Don't ask humans about humanity
Just one ship
How could we possibly defend a space station with a single outdated, underperforming warship? Oh, you'd be surprised.
We knew them
The great hive was abuzz
Tremble, enemies of man
Every sapient race in the universe was guided by a deity.. except for us.
A world called Amicus
All the time in the world
The Long War
Humans live on scrap and hate
Making a hyperfold drive FAST
Different Paths
Human thrill-seeking
The Egg
A Rallying Cry
Warrior cultures are obsolete
R&Deez Nuts
That isn't a ship, it's a cannon with FTL! Pt. 2
Don't Ask Humans About Humanity Pt. 5: The War of Strangers
On the concept of hate
Types of Immortality (2012-01-26)
Summarized from a TVTropes page before drastic changes were made.
I - PERFECT - Immune to harm of any kind, including age.
I-X - ETERNAL - Not merely immortal, but also forever. Indestructable.
II - UNDYING - Will not die of natural causes, but can be killed.
III - REGENERATIVE - Vulnerable to injury, but recovers quickly.
IV - RESSURECTIVE - Respawns or transfers into a different body.
V - UNDEAD - Cannot be killed again.
VI - IMMORTALITY ONLY - Will not die; vulnerable to normal injury, can age.
VII - EXTERNAL - Conferred. Vampirism, demonic possession, soul jar, etc.
VIII - LEGACY - Passes on their name and personality to sucessors.
IX - PARASITIC - Soul transference to different bodies.
X - VAMPIRIC - Feeds on life force of other living beings.
XI - PROJECTED AVATAR - A reformable projection of an incorporeal entity.
ZERO - NON DIEGETIC - The writer would never kill them off. (Plot Armor)
Chuck Palahniuk: No 'Thought' Verbs (2013-08-03)
“In six seconds, you’ll hate me." But in six months, you’ll be a better writer.

From this point forward—at least for the next half year—you may not use “thought” verbs. These include: Thinks, Knows, Understands, Realizes, Believes, Wants, Remembers, Imagines, Desires, and a hundred others you love to use.

The list should also include: Loves and Hates. And it should include: Is and Has, but we’ll get to those later.

Until some time around Christmas, you can’t write: Kenny wondered if Monica didn’t like him going out at night…”

Instead, you’ll have to Un-pack that to something like: “The mornings after Kenny had stayed out, beyond the last bus, until he’d had to bum a ride or pay for a cab and got home to find Monica faking sleep, faking because she never slept that quiet, those mornings, she’d only put her own cup of coffee in the microwave. Never his.”

Instead of characters knowing anything, you must now present the details that allow the reader to know them. Instead of a character wanting something, you must now describe the thing so that the reader wants it.

Instead of saying: “Adam knew Gwen liked him.” You’ll have to say: “Between classes, Gwen had always leaned on his locker when he’d go to open it. She’s roll her eyes and shove off with one foot, leaving a black-heel mark on the painted metal, but she also left the smell of her perfume. The combination lock would still be warm from her butt. And the next break, Gwen would be leaned there, again.”

In short, no more short-cuts. Only specific sensory detail: action, smell, taste, sound, and feeling.

Typically, writers use these “thought” verbs at the beginning of a paragraph (In this form, you can call them “Thesis Statements” and I’ll rail against those, later). In a way, they state the intention of the paragraph. And what follows, illustrates them.

For example: “Brenda knew she’d never make the deadline. Traffic was backed up from the bridge, past the first eight or nine exits. Her cell phone battery was dead. At home, the dogs would need to go out, or there would be a mess to clean up. Plus, she’d promised to water the plants for her neighbor…”

Do you see how the opening “thesis statement” steals the thunder of what follows? Don’t do it.

If nothing else, cut the opening sentence and place it after all the others. Better yet, transplant it and change it to: Brenda would never make the deadline.

Thinking is abstract. Knowing and believing are intangible. Your story will always be stronger if you just show the physical actions and details of your characters and allow your reader to do the thinking and knowing. And loving and hating.

Don’t tell your reader: “Lisa hated Tom.”

Instead, make your case like a lawyer in court, detail by detail.

Present each piece of evidence. For example: “During roll call, in the breath after the teacher said Tom’s name, in that moment before he could answer, right then, Lisa would whisper-shout ‘Butt Wipe,’ just as Tom was saying, ‘Here’.”

One of the most-common mistakes that beginning writers make is leaving their characters alone. Writing, you may be alone. Reading, your audience may be alone. But your character should spend very, very little time alone. Because a solitary character starts thinking or worrying or wondering.

For example: Waiting for the bus, Mark started to worry about how long the trip would take…”

A better break-down might be: “The schedule said the bus would come by at noon, but Mark’s watch said it was already 11:57. You could see all the way down the road, as far as the Mall, and not see a bus. No doubt, the driver was parked at the turn-around, the far end of the line, taking a nap. The driver was kicked back, asleep, and Mark was going to be late. Or worse, the driver was drinking, and he’d pull up drunk and charge Mark seventy-five cents for death in a fiery traffic accident…”

A character alone must lapse into fantasy or memory, but even then you can’t use “thought” verbs or any of their abstract relatives.

Oh, and you can just forget about using the verbs forget and remember.

No more transitions such as: “Wanda remembered how Nelson used to brush her hair.”

Instead: “Back in their sophomore year, Nelson used to brush her hair with smooth, long strokes of his hand.”

Again, Un-pack. Don’t take short-cuts.

Better yet, get your character with another character, fast. Get them together and get the action started. Let their actions and words show their thoughts. You—stay out of their heads.

And while you’re avoiding “thought” verbs, be very wary about using the bland verbs “is” and “have.”

For example: “Ann’s eyes are blue.”

“Ann has blue eyes.”


“Ann coughed and waved one hand past her face, clearing the cigarette smoke from her eyes, blue eyes, before she smiled…”

Instead of bland “is” and “has” statements, try burying your details of what a character has or is, in actions or gestures. At its most basic, this is showing your story instead of telling it.

And forever after, once you’ve learned to Un-pack your characters, you’ll hate the lazy writer who settles for: “Jim sat beside the telephone, wondering why Amanda didn’t call.”

Please. For now, hate me all you want, but don’t use thought verbs. After Christmas, go crazy, but I’d bet money you won’t.

For this month’s homework, pick through your writing and circle every “thought” verb. Then, find some way to eliminate it. Kill it by Un-packing it.

Then, pick through some published fiction and do the same thing. Be ruthless.

“Marty imagined fish, jumping in the moonlight…”

“Nancy recalled the way the wine tasted…”

“Larry knew he was a dead man…”

Find them. After that, find a way to re-write them. Make them stronger.”


Some humor that showed up in my Yahoo! Mail inbox.

A Texan, a Californian, and an Oregonian are out riding horses. The Texan pulls out an expensive bottle of whiskey, takes a shot, then another sip, and suddenly throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots the bottle in mid-air.

The Californian looks at him and says,"What are you doing?! That was a perfectly good bottle of whiskey!" The Texan says, "In Texas, there's plenty of whiskey and bottles are cheap."

A while later, not wanting to be outdone, the Californian pulls out a bottle of Champagne, takes a few sips, throws the bottle in the air, pulls out his gun and shoots it.

The Oregonian can't believe this and says, "What the heck did you do that for??? That was an expensive bottle of Champagne!" The Californian says "In California there's plenty of Champagne and bottles are cheap."

So a while later the Oregonian pulls out a bottle of Henry Weinhard's River Road Ale. He opens it, takes a sip, takes another sip, then chugs the rest. He then puts the bottle back in his saddle bag, pulls out his gun, turns around and shoots the Californian.

The Texan, shocked, says, "Why the heck did you do that!?" The Oregonian says, "Well, in Oregon, we have plenty of Californians, but bottles are worth a nickel."

Golf Balls
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full.. The students responded with a unanimous 'yes.'

The professor then produced two Beers from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed..

'Now,' said the professor as the laughter subsided, 'I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things---your family, your children, your health, your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car.. The sand is everything else---the small stuff.

'If you put the sand into the jar first,' he continued, 'there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life.

If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are important to you.

Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.

Spend time with your children. Spend time with your parents. Visit with grandparents. Take your spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and mow the lawn.

Take care of the golf balls first---the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand.

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the Beer represented. The professor smiled and said, 'I'm glad you asked.' The Beer just shows you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of Beers with a friend.

The Male Perspective
We always hear "the rules" from the female side.
Now here are the Rules from the male side.
These are our rules! Please note... these are all Numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
  1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
  2. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
  3. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
  4. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
  5. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
  6. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
  7. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
  8. Crying is blackmail.
  9. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!
  10. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question..
  11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
  12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
  13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
  14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
  15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.
  16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
  17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
  18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
  19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
  20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really.
  21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.
  22. You have enough clothes.
  23. You have too many shoes.
  24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know men really don't mind that, it's like camping..

Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them an education!!

New research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of 5 years; It does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical level of concentration.

This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

  1. I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
  2. Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.
  3. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.
  4. Never take life seriously; Nobody gets out alive anyway.
  5. There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.
  6. Life is sexually transmitted.
  7. Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
  8. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
  9. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
  10. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?
  11. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again
  12. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
  13. In the 60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal
  14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?
  15. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"
  16. Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta its butt.
  17. "Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?
  18. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
  19. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
  20. Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?
  21. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?
  22. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle
  23. Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?
Steven Wright
If you're not familiar with the work of Steven Wright, he's the famously erudite scientist and comic who once said: "I woke up one morning and all of my stuff had been stolen... and replaced by exact duplicates." His mind sees things differently from most of us, to our amazement and amusement.

Here are some of his gems:

  1. I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
  2. Borrow money from pessimists. They don't expect it back.
  3. Half the people you know are below average.
  4. 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
  5. 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
  6. A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
  7. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
  8. If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
  9. All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.
  10. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
  11. I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.
  12. OK, so what's the speed of dark?
  13. How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
  14. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  15. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
  16. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
  17. Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
  18. Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
  19. I intend to live far, so good.
  20. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  21. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
  22. What happens if you get scared half to death twice?
  23. My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
  24. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
  25. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
  26. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
  27. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
  28. The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
  29. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
  30. The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
  31. The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
  32. The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
  33. Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
  34. If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
The English Language
Let's face it -- English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese?

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend, that you comb through annals of history but not a single annal? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? If you wrote a letter, perhaps you bote your tongue?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and wise guy are opposites? How can overlook and oversee be opposites, while quite a lot and quite a few are alike? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another.

Have you noticed that we talk about certain things only when they are absent? Have you ever seen a horseful carriage or a strapful gown? Met a sung hero or experienced requited love? Have you ever run into someone who was combobulated, gruntled, ruly or peccable? And where are all those people who ARE spring chickens or who would ACTUALLY hurt a fly?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm clock goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race (which, of course, isn't a race at all). That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.


Due to extensive research done by the University of Pittsburgh, diamond has been confirmed as the hardest metal known to man. The research is as follows. Pocket-protected scientists built a wall of iron and crashed a diamond car into it at 400 miles per hour, and the car was unharmed. They then built a wall out of diamond and crashed a car made of iron moving at 400 miles an hour into the wall, and the wall came out fine. They then crashed a diamond car made of 400 miles per hour into a wall, and there were no survivors. They crashed 400 miles per hour into a diamond traveling at iron car. Western New York was powerless for hours. They rammed a wall of metal into a 400 mile per hour made of diamond, and the resulting explosion shifted the earth’s orbit 400 million miles away from the sun, saving the earth from a meteor the size of a small Washington suburb that was hurtling towards mid-western Prussia at 400 billion miles per hour. They shot a diamond made of iron at a car moving at 400 walls per hour, and as a result caused two wayward airplanes to lose track of their bearings, and make a fatal crash with two buildings in downtown New York. They spun 400 miles at diamond into iron per wall. The results were inconclusive. Finally, they placed 400 diamonds per hour in front of a car made of wall traveling at miles per iron, and the result proved without a doubt that diamonds were the hardest metal of all time, if not just the hardest metal known to man.

Lessons Learned in Life
  • I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live my life so that no one would believe it.
  • I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little note.
  • I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his or her need to cast the blame on others.
  • I've learned that no matter what happens, or how bad it seems today, life does go on, and it will be better tomorrow.
  • I've learned that making a "living" is not the same thing as making a life.
  • I've learned that life sometimes gives you a second chance.
  • I've learned that if you pursue happiness, it will elude you. But if you focus on your family, your friends, your work, and doing the very best you can, happiness will find you.
  • I've learned that whenever I decide something with an open heart, I usually make the right decision.
  • I've learned that even when I have pains, I don't have to be one.
  • I've learned that everyday you should reach out and touch someone. People love that human touch - holding hands, a warm hug, or just a friendly pat on the back.
  • I've learned that I still have so very much more to learn!


Didn't write down where I originally saw most of these, so if any of them look familiar, let me know that I may credit the artists.

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Classic Computer
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LE ABSOLUTE GEM (reddit copypasta)
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Peaceful Night
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No Smoking
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Petya Ransomware Payload
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Safety Pig!
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Squirrel (posted on Metafilter by Celsius1414)
( Nothing at all could make today better )
( for me.                                )
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This page was last updated on 2009 JUL 27.