Necessary Purchases (2016-06-07)


Great items that will surely improve your life.

None of the below prices include shipping costs.

Note: All you weirdos who have the audacity to not live in the USA may need to make use of a parcel forwarding service, such as Free Virtual Mailbox.

[Kitchen Essentials]

$28 Don't Make Me Think
The #1 rule of web design, and how we can better follow it.
$14 The Expert on Everything
A series of accidents leads to the eradication of privacy.
$11 Formal Notices
Blank forms to make everyday communication a bit easier.
$13 How Not to Write a Novel
Detailed examples of the ways authorship often goes wrong.
$09 Pocket Reference
A quick and handy guide to all sorts of things.
$10 A Practical Guide to Racism
A hilarious look into all the ways we humans differ.
$18 Principia Discordia
I'm not sure what's going on here, but I like it.
$10 Quiet
Personal tales of introverts in an extrovert-dominated world.
$09 Robert Ingersoll Quotes
Selected writings of an 1800s agnostic orator.
$10 Rules of Civility
How to show due respect, in the 1700s and today.
$18 The Seven Sisters
A magic vs technology epic that won't let you put it down.
$27 Without Their Permission
How the Web changed everything, and how to make the most of it.


$50 The Bag of Holding
A quality messenger bag with ample space for your shit.
$15 CardSharp
A surgical-steel blade that fits in your wallet!
$20 Kelvin.23
LED, level, tape measure, 16 screwdrivers, and a hammer.
$40 Luminglass
A mesmerizing electric light, as seen in Star Trek.
$15 Romulan Ale
An energy drink so powerful, it's actually illegal!
$80 Secrid Wallet
A slim, RFID-blocking wallet with a lever release.
$20 Space Food Sampler
An assortment of freeze-dried snacks.
$15 Space Ghost Action Figure
Everyone's favorite galactic crime fighter/talk show host.
$30 Stake Grilling Multi Tool
A spatula, fork, and tongs, all in one solid tool.
$10 Survival Kit
Items for emergency survival, in a pocketable sardines tin.
$16 Tech Support Shirt
Let your clothes show off how fixing computers you are.
$10 Utili-Key
A 6-in-1 multi tool that fits on your gat dang key ring.


$55 Bluetooth Headphones
Comfortable, clear headset with play/pause and back/next.
$40 Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey
A look at our surprisingly complex and wonderous universe.
$60 DataVac
An electric duster to clean out your electrics with.
$17 Dr. Bronner's (32 oz.)
A highly concentrated, all-purpose liquid soap.
$08 Game Bit Screwdrivers
Open all NES, SNES, and Genesis consoles and cartridges.
$17 Payback Sunglasses
Now you, too, can look like a stoic badass.
$22 Rechargable Batteries
Long-lasting AAs that you don't even have to throw away.
$10 Religulous
Bill Maher's documentary on things people actually believe.


$30 [YT] Candy Magic Dispenser
Pace yourself with this hands-free sweets machine.
$10 [YT] Fireplace Jar Candle
A candle with that smoky scent of burning wood.
$20 [YT] Joe's Sticky Stuff
Hang things up without leaving a bunch of holes.
$23 [YT] Space Pen
Write anywhere, on anything, first try, every time.
$09 [YT] Telescoping Keychain Pen
Stays out of the way, but is there when needed.
$15 [YT] Trap-a-Crap
A pre-dump spritz will stop stank from leaving the toilet.
$12 [YT] Ultimate Cloths
Just add water, and scrub away the dust and caked-on crud.
$10 [YT] Wallet Ninja
A credit card sized steel wafer with 18 tools.


$02 1-foot Extension Cord
Reclaim your power strip from Stupid Plug Boxes!
$21 Component Switch
A manual 4-in, 1-out selector for YPbPr with analog or coax audio.
$16 HDMI Switch
An automatic 3-in, 1-out HDMI selector.
$24 Headphones
They sound good, fold in, and include two cords.
$16 Modern Wall Tap
A 3-outlet surge protector with USB ports and phone holders.
$50 SD to HD Upscaler
Analog inputs phased out? Convert them to HDMI!

Other Stores

$08 5-Star Name Badge
Serious badges for people doing serious business.
$40 brb, brunch Hoodie
Keep warm with help from your homies, the Socom Squad.
$12 Game Cleaning Kit
Renew old ROM cart contacts with this all-in-one solution.
$40 Case of Gumballs
Something flavorful to chew on, to calm your nerves.
Every day's a great time when you're huge!
$89 Model M Ultra Classic 103
Why just use a keyboard, when you could use the keyboard?

Special Self-Pleasure Time

Adult Content: Duh. Highlight to read.

All right, dudes. No reason to let the ladies have all the fun in the toy department. Those lovely Asian perverts taken this stuff a lot more seriously than we have. Why bother with your hand? Try something new. There's better stuff available, but this is a decent starter pack.

$26 Qiansha Stroker
A rather classy lady, full of ridges and bumps that feel fantastic.
$14 Juicy Lotion
Pour a couple drops into the entrance, and you're ready for fun.
$14 USB Warming Wand
This will provide a more realistic feeling. Plug it into any non-charging port, slide it in, and wait ten minutes.
$07 Toy Cleaner
When you're done, rinse out the mess with warm water, spread some of this around in there to kill off any microbes, rinse again, and let air dry.

You're fucking welcome. As I said earlier, this is just scratching the surface. To better explore the wide variety of onaholes available to you, head over to the US-based Toy Demon.

Based on the reviews I've seen, I suggest the Ubu Elder Sister if you want something easier to clean, La Bocca Della Verita if you prefer mouth-like stimulation, and the Shinki 01 for something closer to realistic.

Also, if your toys ever start to get a bit sticky? Don't bother with any sort of overpriced 'renewal powder'. That stuff's just ordinary corn starch, like you can find in literally any grocery store.


Unless stated otherwise, this work is available under the terms of the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike 4.0 International License.
Copyright 2016 Bytemoth - CC BY-SA 4.0 -

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For indoor use only; keep out of direct sunlight.