Eight Fourty AM (2010-06-25)

CD5K > FU > DWB > fab > 8_40am

A series of daydreams I had while enjoying cool water.

June 9th

I shift the lever to the opposite end of the spectrum and think of a better place to be than here. The cold washes over me as I picture an honest land where the ground is ice. A quiet but hopeful place, closer to perfection, where insects and parasites and reptiles cannot exist. I step out into the chilly sunlit fields, a clear horizon sprinked with white mist greets me. My body is encapsulated with this freezing, liquid bliss.

But soon the daydream ends and I realize I must return to our world of heat and noise. Some consider me to be depressed, they think I've been "burned" by someone, but I've really only been burned by Life. Life, who drew me in with promises and filled my eyes with wonderous sights that became dull and uninteresting over time; realization and understanding overtook me, and from this I aquired new vision that allows me to see the world differently; as a single, discordant object, fighting against itself, chaotic but somehow interconnected.

..She remains a mysterious mistress, but seeking to understand her has only strengthened my loyalty. The way she looks at me -- staring into my soul with those impossibly deep, beautiful violet eyes -- as she places a gloved hand on my cheek and asks me what's wrong, and all I find myself able to say is that I love her.

Humanity has made me and destroyed me, just as it makes and destroies itself with greed and false pride. It is a force that can be influenced, but not fully changed as I had hoped. Still, I will press on, and ask them to join me. Not many will, but those who do will know they are better for it. So come, all you who tire of this blazing heat and hatred, and together we shall search for a world that's cool and chilled. Perhaps it could even be our own, but not without some serious work.

June 11th

After what can sometimes feel like a lifetime of anger, blaming others for their flaws while not being able to see my own, it's nice to shift the lever way down and slip away. I take a deep breath and close my eyes, today's cloud cover adding to my fantasy. My rights and wrongs merge, forming a shattered whole that somehow makes sense to me.

I'm on the other side of the ice cliff this time. Where the river was earlier, it is now a spectacular waterfall. I climb under it and it is a cold unlike any I have ever felt. Graceful, yet piercing, I must breathe through my mouth because my lungs have shrunk to keep warm. It feels glorious. I notice a pretty girl and her younger sister are watching me. I throw my arms upward, into the cascade, and she smiles and nods. We are already united; we require no conversation, no dialog. Words are but mere tools of mankind that can be used to spread deception. Instead we communicate through emotion, and understand eachother perfectly.

She comes closer and offers her hand to me. Her short auburn hair sways in the wind created by the rushing water as her jade eyes shine through the fog like sparkling gemstones. I reach out to her. She pulls me from the stream into warmer air, and we laugh.

What a time. But my short visit to this place is over, and soon I fade out to find myself staring at steel reflecting the morning's overcast. I welcome myself back to the way things should'nt be, but are, here in the warm and dry world where depravity is profitable, liars lead nations, hypocracy is a sport, and there's nothing that enough money can't do for you.

..I wonder if she had a name.

June 13th

Time again to return to the land I've dubbed Dawnfrost, so desolate and great, yet so friendly and familiar. If only I could find such a place in the real world.

The flickering shadows of flying creatures catches my eye. I follow the stream until it leads to an abandoned building. The doors are open. It's dark inside, but this looks like it used to be a conference hall or a church of some kind. Rubble blocks the back room and the staircase. I don't remember seeing a top floor. Perhaps it collapsed. I then find a staircase leading down.

It brings me to a large chamber with windows along the base of the ceiling, which allows some light through. There's a pool here, and some people. One of them beckons. I come closer and find the girl from before. Again she reaches out to me, and again I accept her grasp. She wants me to join her in the pool. I do so, and once more I find a chill colder and more liberating than the one experienced previously. Is this harmony? She wraps her arm around me and smiles. Her sister is here, swimming around gleefully. There's someone else; a somewhat effeminate boy with very long blonde hair. He isn't sure what to make of me at first, and I can feel his gaze intently trying to study me despite the water. I reach out to him. He grasps my hand, and the two of us spend a long time swimming and manuvering around eachother, doing an underwater dance, much to the delite and charm of the girls. When it finishes, he laughs jovially and hugs me.

Who else might be here? Are they all as friendly as these three? Did they come willingly, or did they get stuck here?

June 14th

White mist fills my vision as I dive back into the daydream.

Is this heaven, or is this hell? Or am I still trapped on Earth? Despite not believing in any, did a higher power send me here? And to do what?

Today I've come to the edge of a cliff, and from here I can see a decaying forest below. I hear footsteps. The boy with blonde hair down to his waist has returned, carrying buckets of water. He sets them down, greets me with a grip of the palm, and hands one to me. I will know what to do when the time comes.

I find a way down to the forest. I expected the girls to be here, but they are nowhere to be seen. They must be helping him with.. whatever it is he is doing. I think I have a vague idea, but I can't be certain.

Tipping the bucket a bit, I test a drip of water against one of the sickly trees. It slowly heals and rightens itself. Ah. Now I understand. This is quite a bit of work he's cut out for me, but the result will be damn beautiful.

June 25th

Ever since childhood, I was always learning, but what seemed wonderous then has become dull and ordinary. As life moved on, the tragic and indescribable has become commonplace, and I have become nearly unphaseable. My skin once gave off a radiant sheen in response to sunlight, but that has since been reduced to a mockery of what it used to be. I stand here, contemplating humanity, hoping that if I can understand it, I may know how to fix it. But I can't, and I don't. I'm only one person. Enough of this. I'm curious to see how the forest turned out.

Quite nicely, actually. The water-bearer returns to my sight, plucking a ripe fruit from one of the trees. He bites into it, then gives it to me. His ears distort, and his hair fades to white. I think I understand. I also eat the fruit. That blissful cold pierces me; it becomes a second skin, and I enjoy it. I can feel nubs protruding from my back. Wings of some sort? As our bodies rewrite themselves, it becomes more and more difficult to move. He clasps his hands against my shoulders and nods before falling asleep. Soon I am also fading out of reality. Before I am entirely gone, the already transformed girls show up and lie beside us. I don't know what their intentions are, but their presence compels me to smile.

Huh. Just one person. That might be it. When we focus only on ourselves, we become vain and selfish, but in other conditions we see the whole and what might benefit its preservation.

Epilogue

After lying awake one night, listening to my local classical music station, I heard Glenn Buhr's "Winter Poems: I. Tranquillo", and thought of an epilogue to this series. It would have been titled "The Ice is Melting", and featured myself wandering the crumbling arctic of Dawnfrost as it heated up and returned to its natural state. Unfortunately, I never wrote it.

---