The Pastry War of 1472 (2007-11-09)
A history lesson from a fictional world.
- General Information fought in the Pastry War of 1472. He helped the
Cupcake Empire topple the Donut/Danish alliance at the border town of Cenandy
by reinforcing the western flank stationed at
[REDACTED], making the
Alliance's use of their famous
Vice and Drill tactic impossible.
- However, due to lack of collaboration, the Muffin Liberation Army was able
to swoop in and claim the region for their own selves.
- In response to
this, the Czar of Ovens set a series of events into motion that would lead to
major Strudel victories across the continent, and, subsequently, the fall of
the port town Staffelgarte.
- Following the Oven Czar's
razing of Staffelgarte, delegates from most warring factions met in an
undisclosed location to discuss peace treaties. These meetings were widely
unsuccessful and often resulted in mini-skirmishes between the bodyguards who
were assigned to protect the delegates.
- Three weeks later, Helios III,
Security Advisor of the Donut/Danish Alliance, died from poisoning. The rest of the Alliance's Council was in a state
of panic long enough for the Cupcake Empire to conquer their capitol city of
- Always the people to one-up the Cupcake Empire,
the Muffin Liberation Army's special forces quickly eradicated all signs of
life in Cupcake-controlled Donishhia, which had been captured from the
Donut/Danish Alliance following the death of their Security Advisor.
After learning of this, Olovolos, dictator of the Cupcake Empire, launched
giant taco shells at nearby Muffin-controlled border towns.
- This gets
their attention. As the MLA closes in on major Cupcake relay nodes across the
world, Olovolos is forced to ally with the Oven Czar and his army of
- But being the power-crazy idiots they are, the entire
area they were assigned to protect was completely destroyed, them and the MLA
along with it.
- Three months after the creation of the
Strudel Scar, leaders from all nations signed peace treaties that are still in
place to this day, ending the mindless and pointless bloodshed. Bagelossia was
created as a land-locked neutral country seperating the previously warring
factions. The United Baked Goods was formed as a peacekeeping mandate between
the five nations now in existence.
- Seven generations of peace and
prosperity followed before the next major war. However, the United Baked Goods
would have no part in it, and simply allowed the Bread Militia to be defeated
by the combined forces of Colonel Yogurt and Sir Wai Ning.
- A trade
route from the UBG nations to Dairia was then opened via the repopulated town
of Staffelgarte. It quickly became one of the most successful goods exchange
routes in existence.