The Artist's Struggle (2009-07-07)

CD5K > FU > DWB > fab > youokay

Drawing is a very love/hate kind of thing for me.

The creature lurched forward again, attempting to provoke me into responding as I stared at it. I was pondering where and how I've screwed up in his creation. He looked fine, he moved fine, but something about him just seemed.. off. He returned my unending gaze with one of his own, tilting his head from side to side before becoming concerned and repeating that futile yet ever so powerful question.

"Are you okay, master? You seem depressed. Have I upset you?"

I put forth a heavy, annoyed sigh. This thing cares more for my well-being than his entire existence. But this was a personality flaw, and not one that had directly resulted from forging him from the fabrics of reality.


Defeated, I slammed my eyes shut and gave a grunt of malcontent.
"No, child, you've done nothing wrong."
Perhaps, for once, I was the one with the flaw.

"A--Are you sure? If you want me to, I could leave you."

Heh. Wants. My downfall. I've no idea what I want anymore.
"..No, your presence does not bother me. Stay here."

"Are you certain? You've been glaring at me quite a lot.."

Ever the defeatist. I suppose he just wants to argue instead of wandering off to wallow in self-depression. Opening my eyes again, I could see that his statements were genuine. Aggravating. Then again, so am I.
"I'm quite certain, young one."

He scanned the area a bit. There wasn't much to see; we were both standing amidst a void. My void. But here, I was free. Free to peruse and create until the thought of giving sentience to more abominations sickened me. No, he was searching for excuses. Excuses to leave me here, alone, with some vain notion that it would help me relax.

"W-Well, maybe I should go anyway, you seem tense.."
He turned toward the shimmering doorway of light behind my throne and started to advance towards it.

"Look at me."

He paused.

"Look at me, so that you may tell I mean what I say."
I hesitated. Tension washed over me, then faded into helplessness until I could stand it no longer.
"I need you now more than ever."
He couldn't believe what I had just said. For a brief moment, neither could I.


I arose from the throne.
He uncertainly but obediently waddled to my side. I grabbed hold of the beast and hugged him. He may be a hideous creature, but he's MY hideous creature, damnit. It's time I accepted that for once instead of trashing every one of my works of art because the head's shaped a bit funny or I didn't make the ears or tail quite right.

We then sat in awkward silence, watching the cosmos drift past this space, this artistic void.

Eventually he lightly scratched at the muteness with a gentle and almost inaudible "Master?"

I turned to face him.

"..D- Do I have a name?.."

A smirk wormed its way onto my face.
I turned back towards the slowly creeping stars and considered it as he patiently waited for a reply.
"I think I'll call you Xavier."

And he, too, began to smile.


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